Coming Home

I have had a lot of time to reflect and remember who I am in the last 4 months.  This time came about as I left my second office location after a mere 9 months. Now, as I prepare to move into another new space, I am struck by the simple fact that my business has been in 3 different locations in a matter of a year.  It is such a surreal feeling to look back at all the life lived in one short year – to see who I was at each stage, what I compromised & what I didn’t, when I pushed too hard and when I didn’t push hard enough, what I gained and then lost, what was gained because of loss, what I learned and how it all propelled me to here and now.

A theme over the last 4 months has been “home”.  I’m 100000% sure the theme was there long before I recognized it.  It took several people and avenues to get the message to me through the haze I had been blindly stumbling.  I will never forget the light bulb moment .. the moment I looked at my spirit team and said “oh my gosh! I get it!  Is this what you’ve been trying to tell me??”. I had been receiving a reading from an acquaintance when she suddenly looked up, smiled at me and said “Welcome home”.  My heart stopped, my haze cleared and I think I laughed…and I know I felt immense happiness.  

Those 2 words were life altering.

Two little words to ponder over the next several weeks as I obsessively put puzzle after puzzle together.  I fully and consciously immersed myself into my puzzles because I knew what they could and would provide for me.  At first, an escape from what I didn’t want to face or do. A way for the noise to quiet down. Each piece that was place, helped me reclaim a small piece of myself that had been scattered to the winds.  As the weeks went by and my vision cleared, each completed puzzle brought perspective. Each time two pieces did not go together like I thought they should, I was reminded that things aren’t always as they appear.  That when we find our matches, whether that’s people, place, energy, etc., everything lines up.  

I had been trying to make myself fit into places I did not fit or belong.

As the stack of completed puzzles piled up (20+ !!!) I felt myself coming home little by little.  For me, a huge task of coming home had to do with revisiting the past and really looking at who I had been and what aspects of self had been missing in key moments or events over the last few years.  Where was my compassion in THAT moment? My gratitude in that one? Where had my joy gone? Where was this anger coming from? When did I stop loving myself? 

Wait?  What? When HAD I stopped loving myself?  Furthermore, when had I started letting other people’s dreams, expectations, visions of me, etc. become my own?  When had I lost my foothold onto all things ME?  

To come home I needed to sit with myself and remember what I FEEL like without the noise…without the distractions.  Once I could easily sit in that space and not judge myself or others, that is the moment I started powering back up, rebuilding and recognizing my light and love.  I started talking to people more. I started going out more. And, then I started going out a lot. And what came next was phenomenal … I started needing a purpose bigger than completing the next season of Schitt’s Creek and whatever puzzle I was working on.  In fact, that puzzle was incredibly hard to finish…there was little joy in the process OR the end result. Perhaps, I still need to work on not staying too long in places I don’t belong… 😉

I don’t want it to sound like I did not attempt to find a new office location until recently.  Nope. I began that in December before I moved my stuff out of the Apothecary. Nothing has lined up .. nothing has fit quite right.  Not the right space. Not the right person. Not the right time. A few weeks ago, I had decided I was going to stop looking for a person to rent a space with.  I was going to pull the trigger and rent the one that I felt the most like home to me. I contacted my realtor to start the contract process. By the end of the day, my friend, Rachel, had reached out and said she was ready to rent and was I still looking for a space and person to share with?   

Incredible what happens when the pieces just fit!

In an hour, I am going to go pick up the keys to my new space.  I’m going to meet Rachel after to get her HER keys and to buy the paint we need so paint can get on the walls TONIGHT!  My room will be painted Monday .. and my stuff moved in over the next few days. My business will begin settling into its new home very shortly.    

This is the beginning … again.  Redwing’s rehoming, if you will.

Intentional Anger

There’s not a nice lead in paragraph today…I don’t have time to make things pretty when so much of what I’m feeling is not.  So…here we go…. I’ve happened across a few quotes in the course of the last week that have stuck with me.  I’ve spent time with each of them & they are the impetuous for how I’ve been living the last few weeks.

1) “Angry gets shit done” – Anansi in “American Gods”

Lately, when I feel my anger arise I’ve used it to get shit done.  I cleaned out my closet & donated a bunch of shit. I helped Matt clean his man cave.  I have deep cleaned the bathrooms. I’m saving the kitchen & Max’s room for a REALLY angry moment.  

I am using my anger as a motivator to exercise more AND not make the excuse that I cannot because my hip flexor & shoulder are jacked up.  Instead, I’m finding modifications to help me be active .. to focus my mind in a different direction. 

My anger-fueled motivation has been phenomenal & has led to uncovering more hidden truths, buried secrets, and unsavory feelings.  I’ve always viewed anger as a “bad” emotion – in myself & others. When it comes from others, it feels like a punishment. When it comes from me, it is unacceptable, shameful, an indication that I’m “bad”, “rotten” or have no goodness within me.  It’s as if I cannot allow myself to be human …. to FEEL what a human feels.   

I had a moment the other day at the golf course in which I flipped out on an older white man.  I believe he was trying to do a good thing but he was not communicating his actions to me & ended up yelling at me.  I IMMEDIATELY yelled back at him to not yell at me ESPECIALLY since I had no idea what he was doing. He settled down instantly .. I did not.  Oddly, I consider this interaction a win because while I DID lose my temper, I did not feel any regret, shame or guilt for FEELING my emotions.. and then, I let it go.

This was a huge breakthrough – I realized I can feel anger, express anger AND BE love, ACT in love, EXPRESS love, etc.  I can FEEL anger…and not HOLD onto it. For real… fuck that guy… but, also, thank you man.

2) Brene Brown has a quote that goes something like this “Social media is a communication tool not a connection tool”.

Shit yes…

I’ve been feeling LOST in this angry stage I’m navigating…lost in a way that I have not felt in years.  The time I’ve spent scrolling through social media skyrocketed during the worst of these emotions. I would find myself scrolling and searching for SOMETHING.  Maybe it was the “answer” … maybe it was commiseration .. maybe it was connection.

Regardless, the only thing that happened during these times was my feeling of disconnection with MYSELF intensified…and I wasted a whole lot of time.  Once I realized this I felt ashamed. And then angry at myself, angry that social media is even a thing…especially angry at the cycle I was caught in.

Thankfully, I’d developed a new skill…you know, turning my anger into motivation.  “So, Randi? What are you going to do with this anger about social media & the way you use it?  Only YOU can change this. Only YOU.  So…what’s it going to be?”

In the last few days I’ve allowed myself opportunities to check messages but very little scrolling.  I’m satisfied with that — and this shift has already lead to some significant ah-ha moments for me. First and foremost…both disheartening AND freeing, is that no one realizes if I’m there or not.  I’ve been searching for connection in the number of likes I get, the number of Friends of Followers I have, messages I receive, etc. to validate my worth, prove I’m “productive”, feel like I’m not alone in the swirling emotions of late…  This is NOT the kind of connection I’m looking for. Unconsciously, unknowingly and unintentionally, my social media habits took the place of intentional living.

It’s time to redirect my focus back to living intentionally by offering love and kindness.  To intentionally cleaning & organizing my house.  Eating good, fresh, healthy meals…intentionally.  To living each day intentionally taking small steps toward achieving large goals. To being intentionally present and available for the people I’m engaged with.  To intentionally giving myself the time to know myself thoroughly & wholly.  To just intentionally BEING and DOING.

So…yes, I’m still incredibly angry at times.  While I don’t enjoy being in those moments, I am grateful for the anger.  Grateful to just feel it … to not judge myself or the emotion .. and to be able to let it go.  Grateful for the new ability to channel & direct the emotion into positive actions. Grateful that it is here .. in my face ..

To process grief & so many of the ugly emotions that come from this process

Pushing me to BE present

To make meaningful connections

To intentionally direct where my time is spent

To KNOW what is for my highest & best

A MILLION “thank yous” I say to this anger!  Because, through this anger, freedom will be found.  Peace will come.

We been pickin cotton…

We been pickin cotton for ya – Under master’s hand.

We been pickin cotton for ya – master says we can.

We been pickin cotton for ya – Throats dry with bleeding lips.

We been pickin cotton for ya – We hopin for a sip.

We been pickin cotton for ya – No water for our lips

We been pickin cotton for ya – masters’ got a whip.

Yes, those lines they run deep that runs across my face.  But it’s those lines run down my back that my people like to trace.

We been picking cotton for ya – One day we be free.

We been picking cotton for ya – Now let’s let it be.

These words, the first time I heard them, gave me soul-vibrating chills.  The impact – wow, the impact – was breath-stealing, gut-wrenchingly powerful.  I did not read these words in a book – nor a website.  They were not obtained in a typical manner – in a way that would be believable to many.  Several months ago I dreamt of the woman who would later give this song to a friend during vision.  It was explained in my friend’s vision that this was a slave song – the words needed to be transcribed and passed on to me.  While powerful & extraordinary, the purpose of this left us confused.  Why had we been gifted a slave song?  What was the meaning for us & how were we to apply this to our lives or lessons? Or, was it for us at all?

What follows is more than a story but a depiction of the ever-expanding interconnected web of my life.  More than a description of a single session, it illuminates how the lives of others get woven into the fabric of my own.  The way people find me is simply amazing and represents the definition of Mitákuye Oyás’iŋ – our interconnectedness to each other & all that is.

Mitákuye Oyás’iŋ is a Lakota Sioux phrase translated to mean “all my relations”, the meaning of which reflects the belief regarding our interconnectedness.  It is a prayer of oneness and harmony with all forms of life: other people, animals, birds, insects, trees and plants, rocks, rivers, mountains, weather — AND Creator.  Central to its meaning is that I cannot exist without you and you cannot exist without me.  Everything we do has an effect on others and on our world – seems pretty simple & straight forward.  But, like most simple things, this is complex, contains layers and traction…once a connection is forged, others are opened, and still others and others and others and….you get the point.  You can get lost in these rabbit holes!

Sometimes the power of this concept hits me like a ton of bricks – sometimes synchronicities make it hard to deny our interconnectedness.  Delilah (not her real name) has been coming to see me for about 6 months.  I could tell you a whole different story about how we crossed each other’s paths and the signs that pointed her in my direction…but I’ll spare you.  Delilah is very in tune with her being and, for this reason, her sessions normally consists of an energy “tune-up” to help with grounding, balance or clarity and maybe a little shamanic healing work.  I received a notification yesterday that she had booked an appointment for today – I love these surprise appointment messages!  Delilah emailed as well to let me know she could come early if it worked out for my schedule.  I responded that I had an appointment before hers & that I would most likely need all the scheduled time. HA!  It’s a pretty good sign a session is going to pack a punch when the Creator starts rearranging shit on you!  Not more than 30 minutes after I responded to Delilah’s email, did the client scheduled before her message me to say she would only have time for 30 minutes.  I guess it was going to be possible to see Delilah 45 minutes earlier than expected.  I love these twists and turns…

I have a confession – I woke up today not feeling very capable.  Not feeling very strong.  Not feeling confident in my intuitive or healing abilities.  I confessed to a friend that I always get excited when I have a session with Delilah but the excitement is usually followed by fear.  Delilah is the ONLY person I see in which this irrational fear comes into play.  My fear is she will discover I’m a fraud & that I have absolutely no clue what I’m doing.  Shiiit…my cover is about to be blown…

Delilah was in the waiting room as I walked the previous client out of session.  She is always a beautiful sight – oozing with intelligence, independence and a courageous spirit.  Today was no different but, as she hugged me tightly in greeting, I could feel her tension.  She began talking as she shrugged out of her coat & fell heavily into the chair.  As she spoke about the heavy energy she felt surrounding her, she appeared more vulnerable & sensitive than I had ever seen her.  She admitted to feeling weepy often in the previous week and that she was having difficulty with certain familial relationships.  An exploration of this topic felt cold – I was getting nothing from Spirit.  Though she appeared confident this was what our work should center on, she began telling of recent difficulties with her boss & the frustration this caused.  A few years earlier she had done healing work surrounding this person and had discovered their past life tie in which he had been an abusive controlling husband or father.

As our consult continued it became clear Delilah would receive a combination of Reiki, Shamanic healing and ThetaHealing® while on the massage table. I continued to ask questions as a way to dig down into the heart of the issue – she exclaimed with clarity that the slave/slave master dynamic was a new past life relationship that needed to be explored.  Now we were getting somewhere.  As an afterthought Delilah looked at me wide-eyed as she suddenly remembered a message from Spirit she needed to pass on to me.  “I’m supposed to remind you of the boat”.  My head jerked up as my breath caught in the throat and my heart pounded like a war drum.  I looked at her and said, “You need to hear about a dream I had several weeks ago.  I think it’s for you.”

I am in the passenger seat of a 4×4 vehicle with my husband and a close friend.  We are driving on flat land looking for the perfect camping spot.  We stop at an amazing space right on the ocean — there is no beach to speak of.  The land just morphs into the depths of the ocean.  Suddenly I find myself on a slave ship – we are in the middle of our voyage.  I am standing looking overboard contemplating throwing myself out.  To jump out of the ship means certain death – I weigh my options.  Desperation lies in staying … and going. 

Like a scene from a movie, we suddenly cut to me crouched in a cage made of bamboo.  Not a permanent enclosure but one constructed in such a way that I can be seen from all angles and contained until it was time to move me.  I realize I am a slave at auction.  In an odd way, I feel safe contained in my cage. 

As I look around, I notice across the way another cage.  Here sits another African woman in wait.  Although her head is down, her eyes are directed my way.  Her stare is intense, soul reaching and pleading.  The intensity of her stare – not fear – wakes me from my dream.  My thoughts raced.  “She needs my help.  What am I supposed to do for her?”                                                       

     As soon as morning arrives, I call my friend to relay my vision & to inquire if she had a similar experience.  I am not surprised to hear we dream traveled together. 

I WAS surprised to hear her visit with the African woman was much more relaxed & casual – even fun!.

I go on to tell Delilah that my friend called the afternoon after this dream to tell me the slave woman was with her.  They were talking but there was no indication of what she needed or wanted – I just needed to know she was there.  Again, a few days later, I receive a call from my friend.  The tone is much different this time –  the woman had gifted a slave song.  No explanation other than, “pass this on to Randi.  She will know when the words will be needed”.

The week following the dream, I felt the African woman’s presence wholly and heavily.  There was little to no communication – just the cold hard pleading stare.  It is, as I am relaying this dream and the after events to Delilah that she crumples into tears in front of me.  Good – this is the trail.  I have found the missing link to this puzzle.  I ask Delilah if she thinks this African woman was her in a past life.  All she can manage is to shake her head yes.  We have been lead to the story that needs to be healed.

As I settle Delilah in for the healing work, I talk about my time in West Africa studying the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade.  I ask if she has always felt a strong connection or emotion regarding the slave trade – her answer does not surprise me.  She says the strength of the slave spirit has always tugged at her heart.  As I tune into Delilah’s energy field, I ask for the Creator’s guidance to take over.  As I become the conduit for the healing, I am inundated with impressions.  As I establish connection with Delilah, my hands to her shoulders, I see her as the slave woman being whipped, beaten and abused.  I see her being choked as my hands are on the back of her neck.  But most prominently, I see her current boss – he was her slave master.  In this lifetime, and past lifetimes, he has been scared of her… of her power… of her strength.

As we work on finding and changing beliefs surrounding attachment, I see the slave woman’s spirit detach from Delilah’s physical body and get lost.  We cannot continue meaningful work until this lost part of her soul is integrated back into her being.  I explain what I see to Delilah and receive consent to proceed.  As we begin the process of soul retrieval and integration, I see the African woman from my dream approach the left side of the table.  In my mind’s eye, I see she has approached Delilah on the left side of the boat.  Delilah has been grasping the edge, contemplating her jump overboard.  The woman holds out her hand and says “Come with me.  You no longer have to endure this – you no longer have to stay here.”  Though, letting go of the boat means certain death to Delilah, she is coaxed to unclench her grasp and step overboard.  As Delilah steps over the edge of the boat, their two spirits ascend above the boat and swirl around and around each other until they become one.  Finally, their Spirit settles peacefully on top of the water and they float in serene freedom.

After our session has concluded and we are easing ourselves back into this time and space, Delilah looks at me and says, “I didn’t tell you this before. Earlier in the week I was working with a Quantum Healing technique.  I found myself in slave quarters where a woman was up on blocks being whipped.  I approached her from the left, held out my hand and said “Come with me.  You no longer have to endure this – you no longer have to stay here.”

I cannot make this stuff up.

Instant chills.  Tears.  And, relief that today was not the day that she discovered I’m a fraud.  HA!

I like to view my life as a web that I am the center of.  This is neither egoic, nor self-centered as we are each the center of our own circles.  In keeping in mind Mitákuye Oyás’iŋ, it’s easy to see how my dream intersected with another – how our shared dream was a message for yet another – and how going forward, the soul retrieval for Delilah will impact the people in her own life. Every action we take, that is motivated by love, leads to connection.  I believe connection is one of the greatest joys of life – to witness or experience the masterful design that takes place to ensure certain souls connect is awe-inspiring.  THIS is what I live for – this is why I open for the Creator to work through me.

What does the song mean to me now in the aftermath?  This whole experience & all the takeaways are multi-layered.  Intense.  Deep.  Simply put – and not to make lightly of the atrocities of slavery – aren’t we ALL pickin cotton?  Aren’t we all under a Master’s hand of some kind – addiction, fear, anger, or disconnection – that we are trying to free ourselves of?  Aren’t we all suffering in our attempts to free ourselves?  Don’t we ALL need the reminder that though we have scars we can trace & memories we can relive, that at a certain point we just need to drop it and let it be?  Let it be so we may move forward in love.  In connection.

**The word “master” was deliberately NOT capitalized.  We are slaves to noone – noone is our master.

UPDATE – April 28th, 2018:

My husband and I traveled to Maryland for his best friend’s wedding.  The morning of the ceremony, I headed out to explore as Matt was getting prepped and ready for the day.  The wedding venue was located less than 10 minutes from North Point State Park.  At the point of the peninsula, the Chesapeake Bay & Potomac River intersect.  This was my destination for the morning.

Untitled As I arrived in my nature-y surroundings, I felt myself relax into the experience.  I drove at a meandering pace throughout the whole park before settling on a place to park.  As I drove there were soft sandy beaches to my right & sharp jagged rock keeping the water at bay to my left.  I parked in a location that allowed access to the beach AND the marshy area where the cranes, egrets and heron were flocking to.  Even in Iowa, I gravitate toward these birds.  It is a personal challenge to get as close as I can without them flying away – these birds like their privacy & to be allowed within a close proximity is a great honor.  I feel a kinship in this way.

I am strolling along the marsh, mind blank & soaking in the energy of the birds & the place – all is perfect.  Suddenly, I am halted.  My body vibrates.  I am covered in chills.  My Spirit eyes survey my surroundings. In that moment I feel the slave woman with me again.  She is here to remind me we were here in another lifetime together.  To hammer in the importance of inter-connection.

And, to assure me I am not a fraud.  😉

My Journey Thru Reiki

I am frequently asked how I got started in my spiritual-based business – was I always able to do what I do?  How did I know it was the right path for me?  The answer is always the same – it all started with Reiki.  I stumbled onto the healers path after being intrigued with conversations friends would have about how incredible Reiki energy felt surging through their bodies.  At the time, I had also newly embarked on a path to spiritual self-discovery.  I had no idea what THAT even meant much less what impact Reiki would have on my life.

In the haziness of a true newbie, I completed the first two levels of Usui Reiki.  Because I was such a baby on my spiritual path & didn’t know a thing about Reiki, I did not fully understood the concepts I was taught, I had little to no experiences during the attunment processes but, MAN, I sure felt that energy flowing within and out of me as I performed my first few treatments.  My hands vibrated and I dripped sweat from the intensity of the energy coursing through my body.  I was a believer & these were my clues that Reiki flowed freely & easily through me.  I sporadically used Reiki on myself, friends and immediate family but did not feel the need to pursue further classes.

A few years passed and I found I had stumbled my way into massage therapy school.  I discussed with an instructor my wishes to advance my Reiki practice & explained personal struggles were making me question that decision.  She suggested a “Reiki redo” to reset the energy & to experience the upgraded energy Holy Fire Reiki would provide.  She explained Holy Fire Reiki consisted of a higher vibrating energy than the Usui Reiki I had originally taken.  I eagerly took her advice and took Holy Fire Reiki I, II & Advanced Reiki Training (ART) classes through her.  In Usui Reiki courses, the instructor interacts with the students directly to ignite and open the flow of Reiki energy in each student.  During the course of the Holy Fire Reiki I & II weekend, I came to find out that this was a major difference between Usui & Holy Fire Reiki.  In Holy Fire Reiki, the instructor begins Experiences, Placements and Ignitions with a semi-guided meditation but backs away and allows the spirit of Holy Fire to direct and lead the experience that is necessary for the individual.  It is incredible to hear others tell about their experiences and realize everyone gets exactly what they need to heal.

My Holy Fire Reiki I & II weekend was magical.  I had a very profound and healing dream the night before the first class.  I think I would have been happy if that was all that I experienced.  During the Holy Love Experience divine love is installed into each person’s soul more deeply and clearly.  It is said to induce great love and feelings of being deeply cared for and nurtured.  During this experience, two beloved friends, who had each passed away too young, came to guide me on a path along the river.  We wandered the river’s edge until we broke through a tree-lined path to a wide open prairie at the top of a bluff.  Situated in this secure location was a small rustic cabin.  Warmth emanated through the lights shining behind curtained windows and the billows of smoke escaping the chimney.  As we approached, a man casually stood on the covered front porch.  He smiled a kind greeting and ushered my friends & I through the door.  As we entered we were greeted by the warmth of all those crowded inside, each present to offer their support, love and guidance on my path.  Herbs hung drying from the rafters, mortar and pestles in mid-use were on the table and a concoction brewed on the stove.  The intense and pure love that emanated from this place was breathtaking, confirming and soothing.  I had found my home – my soul – my safe haven.

A few months passed before I was able to take the Advanced Reiki Training class.  Diving timing is a funny thing you don’t recognize until the moment you are in it…or later – it will never cease to amaze and delight me when I recognize these moments.  The ART class was held less than a week after I had completed my vision quest.  I was still swirling with the new energy, messages and visions I had collected during this quest – many of which made no sense.  The experiences during the ART class caused many of the floating pieces to fit together & connected dots.  The Healing in the River of Life Experience was conducted to release all that needed to be released through the Holy Fire.  The flames of the Holy Fire do not burn, but sooth, purify, heal, guide and empower the individual.  During this experience the spirit of one of my newly discovered animal guides merged into my being and we became one.  At another point, I saw the heavens and Universal knowledge open to me.  I reached my hand up into the starry knowledge filled sky and saw a funnel implanted into my being.  The funnel extended from the heavens into my Crown chakra, through my core and out thru my hands and feet.  As this was happening, I felt the Universe fill and flow through me as I was laid upon the Earth.  When I was comfortable with my body pressed upon the warm Earth, my hands were gently lifted and Amethyst crystals were inserted into my palms.  The ART class was one of the most empowering, fulfilling and inspiring classes I have yet to take.

At this point I was still not convinced I wanted to be a Reiki Master. I had been told early on that the only reason to go onto this step would be to teach.  And I was NOT into that idea…at all.  I opened my massage therapy & spiritual healing practice and was content with the growth of my personal Reiki practice & the frequency with which this service was used.  At some point I came to realize I was ready for my energy practice to advance.  A thriving Reiki Center in another city had been catching my attention.  I was intrigued by the idea of a full-time Reiki center and wanted to meet the owner & hear how she was creating a community around this modality.  I reached out and was invited to visit for a day.  The night before this meeting I had a vision dream in which the ancestors were connecting and discussing my life path with me.  I woke up foggy but excited by possibility.  At my chiropractic visit that morning, the doctor asked about the woman in green.  I laughed and said I didn’t know what he was talking about. He went on to explain that she was there that day helping him with the adjustment & that she was definitely there for me.  Whoa!

At the Reiki Center, the owner, Mary, and I visited for quite a while before she offered  to do a Reiki treatment.  I snagged the opportunity.  Mind you, while I had always been able to feel the Reiki coursing through my body as I treated another, I had never received a Reiki session in which I felt or experienced much.  (*This is a reflection of how closed I had been prior to this day & in no way a reflection of the abilities of the practitioners I had received from.)  During the course of the session, a guide presented himself to me & showed me a sacred object I was to create.  I was blown away by the images, colors and sensations I felt all throughout the hour-long treatment.  When the session was complete, the owner looked at me with wide eyes and said “Thank you so much for allowing me to share this session with you”.  I inquired what she had seen and she explained she rarely saw anything but in this session she had been overwhelmed with the beautiful deep emerald-green of my heart and the expansiveness of it.  In addition, she felt a warm & loving female presence associated with the color.  My lady in green had made her presence known in a most magical way.  I knew in that moment I had found my Reiki Master.

I blindly signed up for the next Reiki Master class Mary was offering.  At this time, I was not aware that the Holy Fire energy had recently experienced an upgrade to its intensity & purity.  This newest upgrade was called Holy Fire Reiki II.  At the beginning of the first day of class, our instructor let us know she had just received this newest upgrade and would be passing to us the highest & purest form of Reiki available.  I felt fortunate to have bumbled my way into another Reiki upgrade situation – we are so guided and taken care of when we are following our soul’s purpose!!  During Day 1 of the Master class, the Pre-Ignition experience is conducted to get the student ready for the Reiki Master Ignition.  It works by removing any energies that are incompatible with the Holy Fire energy and opens the space where the Holy Fire energy will be located.  During this exercise, I found myself floating on my back in a river being washed and cleansed.  A female guide stood on the shore beckoning me to come forward.  Upon leaving the water, I sat with her on the riverbank and felt the sand sifting through our fingers and toes – scrubbing the last of what no longer belonged away from my being.  At this time, I became aware of the sky opening up and God’s hands coming down to offer me a healing.  As I looked up, I saw God’s face and recognized the source of all love, compassion and empathy.  It was powerfully humbling.

In the almost two years since I received my Reiki Master designation, I have experienced varying degrees of shifts and growth in my Reiki practice.  While they feel like subtle shifts, they have a huge impact on my clients and me.  Reiki sessions don’t take as long, my body temperature is regulated, my sight and intuition has opened to allow me to follow instructions of the guides that come through, the flow of the Reiki is even, consistent and strong, and my clients are experiencing amazing sensations and seeing amazing things themselves.  I attribute this to the upgraded Holy Fire Reiki II energy – it is truly amazing.

In October 2017 I taught my first group of Holy Fire II Reiki students.  I never in my wildest dreams thought I would end up teaching.  In total transparency, my reason for advancing to Reiki Master was the allow me access to Karuna Reiki training.  However, the Universe is always trying to lead us to the opportunities that align with our soul’s purpose.  There is the saying, “When the student is ready, the teachers will come”.  This works in reverse also – “When the teacher is ready, the students will come”.  I had several people inquire about the possibility of me teaching them Reiki and I knew if they were asking it was time to teach.  I told myself it only had to be for one group of students and stepped out of my comfort zone and planned a class.  I was totally shocked with the joy & ease I felt in the space of teacher.  The pride I felt in witnessing the learning, connections and successes of those students.  I, again, stumbled into the right opportunity.

This past December (2017), I received attunement & certification in Violet Flame Reiki. This certification intrigued me because I had only heard about the Violet Flame through clients who work with it.  History purports healers in the time of Atlantis worked with this energy but their egos grew large and they abused the knowledge of the Violet Flame for self gain.  For this reason the Violet Flame was taken away until it was reintroduced in 2012.  The purpose of its reintroduction & use is to increase the power of traditional Reiki in preparation for the higher Universal vibratory levels we are now experiencing.  As the protector of the Violet Flame here on Earth, St. Germaine works in conjunction with Ascended Master Kuan Yin to oversee the healers who channel this energy – safeguards to ensure proper use and handling of this energy.  This unique energy is meant to be used in removing, transmuting and cleansing negative energy from the physical, mental and spiritual bodies and prepare those stuck in negative patterns for ascension.

We now come to the present and what might be coming next in my Reiki practice & services.  Several months ago, I awoke from a dream vision in which I was told to seek out Holy Fire Karuna Reiki certification.  I have been in contact with my Reiki Master and this class is coming soon.  I am super excited!  There are plans to teach more beginner classes & schedule my first Advanced & Master Reiki classes in 2018.  I have had persistent thoughts about a few other classes that have not yet been mapped out.  I have ideas for shares and a few unique opportunities for those who already practice Reiki but I am not rushing any of this.  2017 was a year of intense activity and doing – I am determined to allow 2018 to be the year of rest and allowing divine timing to guide my actions and decisions.  

It took years for me to recognize my path as a healer – I did not have the confidence or belief that I was worthy of this gift for quite a long time.  I questioned how it was that I could be so incredibly broken and have the ability to help others put themselves back together.  The confidence came after the disbelief was washed away during a nervous breakdown.  This fissure in my being absolutely debilitated me for a solid month.  The raw emotion was horrible but the outcome has been incredible.  I am deeply and honestly grateful to have gone through this experience and come out on the side of light.  It was this experience that cracked me open & drained me of massive amounts of self-doubt, negative self-worth, anger and the hatred I directed back toward myself.  It pushed me from being who I thought I was supposed to be into the light of who I am.  I did not recognize the person that was born of this experience but I felt at ease & joyful.  To get to that point, I HAD to cry.  I HAD to heal.  Without Reiki, I don’t know what would have happened.  Reiki not only aided in my personal healing, it helped forge a personal connection with the Creator & my true self, healing gifts and life purpose.

Learning & receiving Reiki has been a life-changing experience — each class and session has added something to my practice – extra layers, greater understanding, and new depths to be shared & experienced.  Reiki has been about much more than broadening my education and awareness – it has been a healing journey.  I no longer find it ironic that my clients and I share similar family histories, core wounds and spiritual gifts.  I have trust in God, the Universe, the Source of all that is – I recognize those who need what we have are lead to us on their own journeys to self-discovery.  In this understanding, I can be truly appreciative of the struggles of the past, in the present and those yet to come.  Because of these struggles I grow personally.  Because of these, I expand the group of those I can help.  And, in that small way, I am helping others heal and grow.

Reiki FAQs

Frequently Asked Questions

If you are like most people you are drawn to Reiki and you may not understand why.  It is not uncommon for people to book their first session out of pure curiosity.  As the first session begins and hands are placed on or above the body the mind begins to race.  “What is she doing?”  “Why is she doing that?”  “Her hands aren’t on me – is she just sitting in the corner looking at me?”

Next, the doubt creeps in.  “Does this really work?” “How can this be possible?”  “Did I just feel something?  No, must have imagined it.  Wait!  I felt it again.”  This is the moment of surrender.  I can see it and feel it in the client’s body — the loosening of the facial muscles, a decrease in blinking and the telltale sign of heavy breathing or the slight snore….


So, what is Reiki???

Reiki is an ancient Japanese technique used for relaxation, stress reduction and encourages the body to heal from within.  The word Reiki is actually two words – “rei”, meaning higher power and, “ki”, meaning “life force energy”.  The words together create “spiritually guided life force energy”.

Ok, but what does that REALLY mean? 

There is unseen energy called life force coursing through each of us – this is the reason we are alive.  When you are joyful or excited, your life force is very high & you may feel a strong sense of love or connection to other people, yourself or a higher power (God, Creator, etc.). On the other hand, when you are ill, injured, stressed or depressed, your life force is low.  It’s harder to feel gratitude or a connection to others, a higher power OR yourself – not to mention, pulling ourselves out of the funk we feel trapped in.

How does Reiki work?

Reiki energy is THE universal life force energy.  Some equate it to God, the Creator or simply refer to it as the “infinite wisdom of the universe”.  Because this is the very energy that flows through and all around us, we are able to tap into it to and use it to heal our emotional, spiritual and physical pain.  Have you ever prayed on an issue and felt a sense of relief after?  Do you meditate or practice yoga and feel a sense of peace and calm when you have completed a session?  If so, you have already worked in partnership with the higher power & accessed this energy!!

It is no secret we live in a hectic stressful world – not only are we stressed but the people around us are too.  Our own stress and worry is enough to lower our life force energy.  If you are sensitive to other people’s moods and emotions, you are also picking up other’s people’s “muck” which is lowering your life force even further.  This “yucky muck” is blocked energy – energy that cannot make its way up, around and through your body (think meridians) like it needs to in order to keep you healthy.  When this energy is blocked or stagnant it can lead to physical, emotional or spiritual discomfort or pain.

Reiki practitioners become channels or hollow bones for the Reiki energy to flow through to the receiver. For me, I see the top of my head (crown chakra) open to the universal energy above.  This energy flows in & through me and out through my hands to the person I’m working with.  Reiki energy is intelligent (remember? It is God-like!) and knows where the receiver needs healing.  The energy works on those areas to break up blockages and restore a smooth even flow of energy through the body.  If the receiver is open to the energy, the body graciously accepts this and attempts to restore health and balance.

How does Reiki feel?

It is typical to feel deeply relaxed during a session.  You may also feel tingling, pulsating or a change in temperature on the area of the body receiving the Reiki.  In addition, people have talked about seeing colors, having visions, or feeling watched over while in this relaxed state.  Many people state their body feels heavy while their spirit and emotions feel light, like they are floating.  It is not uncommon to fall asleep because Reiki instills feelings of deep peace.

Immediately after a session you may feel like you are floating, off-balance or light-headed.  This is due to all the heaviness that has been cleared.  This is YOU – this is how you feel when you are clear of stress and worry.  It may take a few minutes for you to come back into  your physical body.  Take your time getting off the table.  I will speak with you about the session while ensuring you are grounded and can safely go about your day.

In the days and weeks following a session, you may notice you are less irritable and able to see the positive side of life more easily.  People have told me these sessions give them the courage to make difficult decisions or face tough situations head-on.  Reiki often leaves you with a strengthened sense of well-being and security.  That’s not to say decisions are easier or less scary to make BUT the confusion around situations seem to clear up and answers to questions may be more clear.

Will Reiki affect my physical body?  How will that feel?

Reiki is great for temporary relief of pain, inflammation, spasms and other uncomfortable side effects of medical ailments or conditions.  I have helped many people find relief from headaches; inflammation from sprains, arthritis, fibromyalgia, etc.; liver conditions; and pre- and post-surgery anxiety or pain.  Don’t be confused that Reiki itself cures chronic pain, cancers or other medical conditions.  It does not.

Reiki is best used in combination with prescribed medical treatments you are currently receiving or seeking. While Reiki itself doesn’t cure, it DOES help the receiver learn how to live in greater harmony with their condition.  Reiki is empowering, it activates the body’s ability to heal itself and has the added benefit of helping to decrease pain and stress that often comes with the healing process.  Learning to live in better harmony and peace with a condition has the added benefit of helping necessary medications work more effectively, treatments are performed more eaily and healing sleep is easier to obtain.

What do you expect from me during a session???

The most important thing you can do is come with an open mind and the intention to receive.  Many first-timers have a whole lot of internal thoughts and questions at the start of a session.  Don’t keep those inside – ask me your questions & tell me what you are experiencing!  I have found that getting the thoughts out and the questions answered early is key to a relaxing, peaceful and productive session.  I don’t want this to seem like a mysterious or secretive process.  My goal is to help you find your center and then help you develop tools to maintain your personal center & balance.

Make your needs known.  If you are uncomfortable – too hot or cold, back is hurting, music is too loud, lights too bright, etc. – please let me know.  Typically, I will ensure you are comfortable at the beginning of the session & again when I see you are relaxed and receiving well.  If I think you are receiving on a very deep level and look to be in a meditative state, I will not interrupt.

Another very important aspect to your healing and development is accountability.  You should be prepared to accept responsibility for your own healing and taking an active part in the process.  This could mean you need to work on anger, self-worth, self-love, meditation, etc. to prevent energy leaks.  Working on aspects of self that may need improvement helps to build and sustain personal energy centers – my primary goal in all Reiki sessions.  Because of past experiences with people who have just wanted the healing energy & did not want to work on themselves or take accountability, I reserve the right to refuse treatment if I feel we are not working on the same goal.

How long does the Reiki last???

I recommend 4-6 full treatments (60 minutes) to experience the full benefits and effects. These sessions may be held weekly or monthly depending on your needs and preferences.  Those with chronic conditions may need several weekly treatments over a 1-4 week time period before moving to a monthly schedule.  Generally, after your first few sessions, you will recognize when it is time for another session. Listen to your body – it knows what it wants and when it needs it!

Is it ok to receive Reiki if I have a strong religious practice???

This is a deeply personal question and one only you can answer.  Perhaps it would help to speak to a leader at your place of worship or pray on how receiving Reiki will affect the integrity of your personal faith according to the doctrines you adhere to.

While Reiki is not a religion, it is a spiritual practice.  In my own life I have found that my spiritual hunger is not fed by religious practice.  While I appreciate the tradition and ceremonies of religious practices and services, it is difficult for me to integrate teachings spiritually in a formal setting.  I have found practices like Reiki, meditation and yoga help me fully connect to and maintain a personal relationship and rapport with my Creator.  That is what I seek – are you looking for the same?